The All-Country
Preservative(s) Love Competition
Entrant # 10,692,4759
(out of 11,000,000)
When a person is a baby, parents provide the container through which the child can become itself. Through acts of repetition, safety, and nurturing, children are held in a space of possibility and potential, a space that will eventually, over time, be filled with their identity.
With dementia and dementia caregiving, it is the opposite.
Preservative love in dementia is the container through which the caregiver attempts to hold in the identity that used to be, an identity that, in time and with a guarantee, vanishes.
These durational repetitive acts of care and emotional labor in dementia caregiving can go on for years, even decades.
Inspired by county jams and preservatives competitions, I have created the All-Country Preservative(s) Love Competition, where caregivers display the “preservative(s) love” they have provided for their loved one with throughout the years.
Below, check out Caregiver #10,692,4759 entries.
See what the judges have to say and her final competition ranking!
In attempting to preserve a vanishing identity, family dementia caregivers often lose their identity in the process.
Often doing it alone, family dementia caregivers do not have anyone helping to “preserve” their own identity, and with this, dementia vanishes the identity of not one, but two people at the same time.
When the caregiver’s identity vanishes, their ability to provide preservative love and retain and contain the identity of their loved suffers as well.
Year 2 Entry
In her first ever entrance to the competition, after providing two years of preservative love, this caregiver nails it. The caregiver is really preserving the identity of the person she cares for in spectacular fashion. Blue ribbon!
INGREDIENTS LIST
Love, Patience, Sacrifice, Time, Red Hair Dye #929, Resourcefulness, Care, Memory, Gone, Wet Wipes, Mania, “What’s Going On?”, Failure Identity, Failure Who, Failure “Try Knitting”, Hey “Fail You!”, Humor, Sweetness, Vulnerability, Loss, No Interview, My Brand New Boss, “Do It Again”, Nervous Breakdown Time!, Morning Crying Time, “Sweet Caroline”, Pink Pull-Ups, “What’s Going On?”, One More Dye, She Died One Time, Love, Patience, Sacrifice, Failure, Grasp and Try, Total Failed-Her, One More Form, One More Dye, Thank You Seroquel, “Who Am I?”, Peanut Butter on No Cure Bread, Is This Living or Are We _ _ _ _?, I’m For Her but Who’s For Me?, “Thank You For Being So Mother To Me”
Made with real dignity, real identity!
Year 4 Entry
As you can see, this caregiver had some struggles this year. Too bad. Some real potential but she misses the mark. She wasn’t able to fill the jar, and those refined details that really preserve identity just aren’t there. Better luck next time caregiver!
Year 6 Entry
Oof! This caregiver had a tough break this year, literally. The jar broke and is a complete mess. It’s almost not judgeable but we will! It doesn’t even look like it was put together well to begin with. There are typos on the display card, and it looks like she got mad and crumpled the card up before placing it. Who does that? And with all that glass? Makes me question her safety protocols.
Year 8 Entry
For this entry, the caregiver seems to be providing us with deconstructed preservative love. We at the competition are not into modern interpretations and it is laziness on her part to think someone else should do it for her. Who does she think she is? It is her responsibility. She needs to step up and get it done. Shame.
Year 10 Entry
We suppose she should be given bonus points for even getting anything completed. This caregiver is really flailing and it’s sad because she started out so many years ago so strong. We had really high hopes for this one. But this empty jar, with scribbled writing…not impressed. She barely got the jar on the table this year. It’s almost as if she simply didn’t have it in her to do anything. Very disappointing and we are left feeling very concerned about the identity of the loved one she is caring for. If this caregiver can’t even muster up the energy to fill a jar of preservative love, what is she even doing with her life? Bad daughter.
To Date Entries
Entrant # 10,692,4759
Current Ranking: # 8,725,0053